Edit: There is some mature themes and some uncomprehending topic jumping in the following text. You have been warned.
Oh dear me. Looks like it’s that time again where I go ahead and write what’s going on because of blah.
So, firstly, Hi how are you? Are you some kind of M? Is that why you’re currently reading this? Or perhaps you’re a S and you just like to see me suffer for your own satisfaction? *Shrugs* Whatever it is, go ahead and get a cup of tea. Don’t worry, I’ll still be here for you to read when you get back. Unless your device dies.. in which case, sorry in advance!
Right then. So if you’re reading this I’m assuming you’ve been seeing my recent updates where I posted a couple of anime review’s. Different isn’t it? Want to know why? A friend of mine told me to get in contact with them and write reviews for them. Sound good right? Unfortunately I didn’t hear much from them after sending them the review. Though all is not lost, I mean I learn that I could correctly write 500 works without going off topic. Want to see the paragraph I cut out because I went off on a tangent ?
“From the previous paragraph, all I can say is that this anime is slow. Not slow in the way that it is boring, but slow as in the way you want it to be. Think herbs being cut and releasing its fragrance as you place them into a slow cooker and then hours later, opening that pot you had been roasting the herbs and meat in and being satisfaction from all the effort, time and patience you put in. Or perhaps sitting in the garden on a hot summer’s day and watching that hardened frozen ice cream tub slowly melting in the heat as you spoon the thawed ice cream into towards your mouth and enjoy the cold feeling as that travels from your lips to the rest of your body.”
Yep, that’s pretty much food porn. I’m happy that I wrote it but unfortunately it didn’t help with my word limit so I had to cut it out and because it wasn’t very professional.
So what happened? Am I depressed again? Nope. I did the cycle again where I went from being alone and use to it to suddenly being social and then crashing because I was all alone again. Starting to sound like a clingy teenager right? This does continue. (You have been warned)
So on Saturday I went to the Cardiff Cosplay Geek Meet. It was fun. No like seriously, I enjoyed myself. I didn’t sleep the night before and took my planned train to meet up with a couple of friends of mine (Fruitcake and Cream) on the actual train itself. It was interesting because they brought another friend they knew and I had never met them before. So *Yay* testing my social skills to begin with and I’m only 20 minutes into the day.
Arrived at the location and met up with more friends… at this point, they’re more acquaintances than anything else. Only because I consider friends to be people I actually bother thinking about. Anyway, after them I actually met with a friend and had a cigarette with them. I kind of needed it because of the sudden blast of social interactions and lack of sleep.
You don’t know this but I’m actually sighing a lot as I write this out.
Right, breaking pace here. What do you think love is? Don’t worry, there is no wrong answer here but I am going to write down my own opinion. Take it from a single being of about 3 years. Love is something that can easily be confused with lust. The desire to jump into bed with someone else or just to touch them are examples of lust. This usually has a lot of stigma behind it as that’s how the whole “slut shaming” culture comes from (I’m referring to both male and female as sluts at this point). If you don’t understand what “slut shaming” is, it’s the action of negatively bashing on another person because they have a lot of sexual activity with multiple individuals.
Sounds bad right? I mean, no one wants to get *boo* at. Personally I’m okay with it as long as it’s between consenting parties, regardless of how many individuals are involved. Now let’s be clear here, I’m not one of those because I’ve had lots of sexual partners, in fact I’ll even admit that I’ve only had 2. However, I’m guilty in terms of thinking about lust.
What is your first thought if you someone told you that they masturbate while thinking of you? I’m sure most of you thought think “Ew” or “Get the fuck out!”. I however think the opposite. Why? Because it takes a lot of courage and trust for people who know you to openly admit to something like that, of course that a whole different thing if a stranger just randomly says it but let’s keep this between friends. A friend of mine couldn’t tell me by voice so instead wrote down on her phone while sitting next to me about all the things she had thought, dreamt and even wished about. To me this was very sweet and endearing but at the same time unfortunately I couldn’t reciprocate back to her. Of course I told her that I was flattered because she found me attractive to think of me in that way but not having my feelings match kind of made it hard for her to accept my side. Arguably you could say this was a seduction technique but from where I was standing I just couldn’t do that to them since our feelings didn’t matched. This didn’t end badly or anything because we ended up sleeping in the same bed till morning and it was the same like any other time.
So back to the previous point, Lust. I’ve thought over a few ladies in my life in such a way, Heck I’ve even pointlessly flirted with many of them but the one thing I can safely say is that I don’t act on my lust, no matter how strongly I feel towards them. I sound pretty beta right now don’t I? I am my own *cockblock*. Simply be, I have acted on them in the past and been burnt because of it but at the same time because I worried about negatively changing the way they think about me I have lost good opportunities to be more with the people I care about. Shameful thing to admit here is that in my two previous relationships the girls were the ones who had asked me out.
A lot of us want it all; Lust and love. But those who have had their hearts broken before fear that it may they might only get lust or love instead of both. So back to the topic before, What do you think love is? Love is something you can have a deep and meaningful connection with another person who also responds back in the same way. Question is, how do we get that? Go too quickly and there is a good chance that lust will blind and confuse you. Go too slow and there is no lust between the people and that’s how friendships are formed. Or is it?
“Like, someone you always find yourself with?”
“and you go, “She’s interesting.””?
“You can talk about anything.”
“You don’t want anyone taking her away.”
“You want to hold hands.”
“You want to kiss her.”
“Maybe even go all the way.” – ReLIFE ep.12
Funny how anime could remind me to think in this way, anyway continuing on. So after much thought I came to the conclusion of: The people you know most are those who are the dearest. Translation: the more you love them in terms of friendship, the more you’ll be able to love them in a relationship (maybe).
I know many people who have just met someone for the first time and within a month of talking to them, asked them out. This works for some but not for others. In fact I’m a little jealous of them because of how successful they are because of it. Ironically, I think I’ve asked a few people out and had been rejected by them all. But currently my thought path has been this: You know a person, you like that person, you learn to be around each other and then if there is any desire or even answering yes to the anime quotations above then it sounds like a relationship you’re willing to pursue. But remember, it might not be matching. They might not feel the same way no matter how they behave. No matter what you’re willing to do for them. Just because they smile and say ‘thank you’ to you, does not they’re interested in you as a partner.
Don’t mistake kindness for flirtation.
Read the rules and use common sense. If they’re in a relationship and they’re close to you, that does not give you permission to selfishly think about your happiness by sabotaging another person’s feelings. We all want to be happy. I know just as much as anyone else in this case but if you have to hurt a person to force your own happiness then you won’t be making a relationship but instead creating a lie. True happiness in relationships only occur when all parties consent and feel the same way.
Let’s turn this down a notch. I was sleeping over a friend’s house (and yes I do love this person and she is the person who I would do anything and everything for. ) and after spending the entire day with them, we went to sleep. Now what is possibly the worst thing that can happen at night in which you wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself by? Falling out of bed? Snoring? Well I don’t know about you but subject here is farting. Sounds disgusting right? Yet with this person, I didn’t mind in the slightest. We were meant to be asleep and she just farted in her sleep. It seems like she’s the only person among my friends who I genuinely wouldn’t mind. Don’t get me wrong, if this happened from my other friends then I’m sure they didn’t mean it and I’d simply throw them the “It’s okay, it’s a natural thing that just came out”. Or if they did do it on purpose then “WTF?! Go to the bathroom or something”. But yeah, is it love when you can accept something like this from them? Accepting all the good and bad things about them and understand that can be recognized as love, but don’t let it turn into obsession.
Back to the Saturday story: So after everyone went to the hang out spot, a friend and I had our cigarette and went to go meet up with another friend who was driving in but was late because of the lack of parking spaces. Let’s call her Kami and the cigarette friend: Cookie. Kami gave us the run about because she was trying to be kind by meeting us at the hang out spot. Cookie and I had already left to go towards forbidden planet so if anything we were already on route to meeting up with Kami. Long story short: Met up with Kami, did our business and all went back to the hang out spot.
You’re going to have to excuse the lost parts of my memories.
We had fun, we hung out;
Even witness fan girls. By fan girls I mean Fruitcake being all shy and telling me how Kami is pretty as I loudly repeat it to Kami. *Evil laugh*
We played bowling, Got beaten by the Kami;
Had a gin and tonic and had her take a sip without telling her what it was *Grins*;
Fireman lifted Fruitcake, Told Josh to spank her. (He didn’t) then threw her onto the cushioned seating at the bowling stage.
Sounds fun right? Not going to lie.. I don’t remember much after that. I think the combination of not sleeping; hadn’t eaten; drinking and smoking didn’t help. The next part I remember is meeting a guy who I had met many years ago because of an ex and told him what had happened then hugging goodbye to people. At this point we were on the train and was playing footie’s with Fruitcake because she thought she was strong enough to challenge me. She wasn’t *Heh*, though it was nice as it kept have my legs warm.
So, time for the evening. I had said my goodbyes to Fruitcake and Cream on the train and sat for 20 minutes for my train stop. During this time I had pulled out the ribbon from my bag and cut it to shape. My plan was to go over a friend’s house (of which I had been invited to the birthday party) and on the way there, to pick up some alcohol and tie it with the ribbon I had cut. This plan was interrupted in the most unexpected way possible. Turns out on the same train, Steff had already contacted Fox and Fox was at the station waiting to pick her up. Well.. my plan kind of went out of the window.. Got into Fox’s car, arrived at the house of the party. Told Fox to leave the door open for me as I paced to the shops down the road to salvage what little of the plan I had. Spent 10 minutes talking to the cashier as he made small talk and laughs about how I buying alcohol as a last minute present. Then a random lady joined in as she noticed how I was tying the ribbon to the neck of the bottle. Got back to the house; entered; suddenly seeing a face of people in the living room. First response? “Well there’s a lot of people here” *laughs loudly to hide my sudden nervousness*. Called the birthday girl over (Let’s call her Princess) and proceeded with the following:
“Hey you~” Princess grabs me by the hand and pulls me towards the door of the bedroom, just enough for the other to see that we might be off fucking;
Laughs and re-enter the room;
“I heard you might like this” while pulling out the obvious chocolate in my chest pocket that I bought had for her;
“Aw thank you” as she gives me a hug after accepting them;
I pushed her back and reached for my back pocket “if you like that then you’re going to love this” and presents the alcohol;
She lets out a little bit of a cheeky/orgasmic “Ooh”;
Then we enter the kitchen and scene.
Jokes aside, we entered the kitchen and had a quick catch up. People began entering the kitchen too and we were just socialising before we all went back into the living room.
At this point, pizza was being pulled out of the oven and people had gone up to help while the rest of us were just sitting and watching the TV.
People were eating and because the pizzas were made for them, I reached into my pocket and took out the last piece of gum I had. After food, I was sitting next to Steff and she had a binder on. She made a point to complain about it so I told her to take it off. Funnily enough, she wasn’t the first person to do it that day as Cookie had also done the same earlier. Steff took it off in front of everyone and made it a point to mention that she could feel her nipples again as she looked down at me. I laughed as I could see them through the shirt she was wearing.
A little later, after talking to everyone and getting comfortable. A drinking game was to take place. Princess went ahead and mixed me a good whiskey and ginger ale and proceeded to play “never have I ever”. At this point, I don’t remember much at all. But here are the few things I happen to remember.
Spanking Princess as she walks pass;
Watching her spank others;
Michael admitting to being a pet with a very pretty pad lock necklace and cursing Vic for losing the key. For some reason I offered to pick the lock but he smiled and said, “it is what it is”;
Jo flashing her knickers (they were boring and plain white);
Gerry being on a Skype call because he couldn’t make it over from Ireland;
Getting spanked by Steff for touching the underside of her thigh then being asked how they felt (they were nice btw);
Resting my legs on Princess as we were sitting on a somewhat 90 degree angle from each other;
Michael rubbing Princess’s crotch;
Michael then hugging my resting legs on Princess and resting his face on my feet;
Michael nibbling on my ankles, told him if he really wanted to do it then he should *pointed at my neck*and begged me to not let him start;
This was pretty much the end as we thought Jo and Princess had pissed off and went to the bedroom to Ahem. So I said my goodbyes and got my round of hugs before Princess came back and gave me a hug and protested about my leaving.
“you’re not available enough!” she claimed.
“Maybe next time.” as I let go from the hug and followed Fox out the door.
Fox drove me home where I had made a 10 minute oven pizza around 1/2 in the morning and ate it. I think it’s safe to say that you should always watch the time for eating because having your first meal in over 24 hours is a bad idea. And made worse due to the drinking and smoking.
If you have read to the end then I applaud you. Thank you for taking an interest in my life and following on how I just jumped from point to point in a chaotic fashion. Now go get yourself another well deserved cup of tea.
Or a muffin.
Or a donut!
I like donuts.